Indulging in Research
by Max Koffee
Summary: With the start of a new day comes the shackles that bind us to mortality. They come in various forms and functions, ranging from eating to stay alive to fulfilling certain prerequisites all teenage boys must take part in. These shackles aren't unnecessary, but a select few can be viewed as unsavory or even crude in the eyes of the opposite gender. One such is self-gratification.


**DISCLAIMER: I do not own Oregairu. Oregairu is the property of Watari Wataru.**

In a very unorthodox way, I am a man who upholds tradition. Though there is nothing about me that screams "traditional Japanese man here!", I'd like to think that upholding a certain ancient practice would put me upon the spectrum of tradition.

You see, unlike the modern man who craves convenience, I believe that attaining something you desire should be done through hard work. You can't always just find something online and order it with the click of a button, sometimes you need to go out and get it yourself. This goes for both life in general, and for self-gratification.

…

Her legs were long and finely tuned, as if they were sculpted by god himself. They had such perfect symmetry that you could say that the Golden Ratio was at work.

Ah, but that didn't just apply to ger legs. Her tight school uniform revealed the gently sloping shapes of her curves, and those curves would arrive at the summit of her splendid bust before long… _Oi, is that Mount Fuji?_ Her shoulder length, bobbed hair and her loosely fitting glasses complimented her seducing facial expression. Moist mouth curved into an almost hypnotizing cat-like grin, while posing in a most proactive manner, the bespectacled beauty could make any married man consider divorce.

 _Yes. This will do._

Closing the _Prestige_ porn magazine, I go to the counter and make my purchase as quickly as I could without making eye contact with the clerk. You know, because I practice my mindfulness. Not because I'm ashamed. I'm serious. Please believe me.

As I leave the book shop and began my trek back home, I feel a bit proud of myself. _Oi, not because I got my hands on a porn book!_ I have managed to employ self-control, whereas a lesser man would not have been able to constrain his manly desires, emptying the contents of his scrotum by watching videos on an easily accessible internet source. While I could have done the same and reached an equal high, I would have to look myself in the mirror in disgust for the rest of the day. Disgust not only in my actions, but also in my weak resolve.

Finally exiting the perimeters of Yotsukaido city, I enter the train and take a seat. During the duration of the 30-minute ride back to Chiba station, my heart was like a chorus playing a gospel. My heartbeat was racing as I recalled the events of the day.

I woke up with an impassioned urge to "tend to myself" but resisted the urge to do so through sheer willpower since my sister was in the room, waking me up as she always did. I went about my morning routine, and even had breakfast, but the urge persisted. Finally, around noon, I resolved to handle the situation as honorably as I could. That's when I came up with the genius idea to spend my beloved Sunday, a day that was often used to worship God in the past, to buy a porn book.

And here we are now. As the train reached Chiba station, I get off and enter the general marketplace in order to go home. However, due to the numerous thoughts floating around in my head, I failed to spot a certain spunky kohai of mine making a beeline straight towards me.

"Oh Senpaiiiiiiiiiii…" _Oh shit, what's Iroha doing here?_

My ever-so charismatic student council president was soon right before me. As an act to avoid a public lynching, I hid my purchased good behind my back. God knows that my reputation can't take many more hits. It's in a critical state as is.

"Yo." _Stay cool, Hachiman. Act natural._

"What are you doing out of your house, on a Sunday, Senpai?" Iroha cocks her head, inquiring.

"Err… well you see… it's like this" _I wanted to buy a porn book, but I can't just say that to you, now can I?_

Iroha was clearly getting suspicious, and the sweat glands appearing on my forehead weren't helping my case.

"Senpai…" She said with a low and ominous voice.

"H-hai?!" I answered, effectively frightened.

"You wouldn't be here on a "practice" date with another girl, would you?"

"Eh?"

"Because you know, you can't be having "practice" dates with other girls behind my back. That's just no good." At this point, her bangs were covering a good portion of her face, so I couldn't make out her expression.

"Listen Iroha, I think you're misunderstanding something. Let's just…" I try to diffuse the situation.

"No, Senpai, I think you're hiding something indecent." _Well, you're not wrong about that._ "Two-timing isn't a good habit to learn, you knooooooooooooooooooow?" _THAT'S NOT IT!_

Through the course of the conversation, she slowly began inches her way towards me. Upon closer inspection, I noticed she was clutching something behind her back.

 _Oi, oi, oi! Don't tell me that's a knife she's holding. She's going to kill me because she thinks I'm on a practice date with someone else?! What is this luck? Is it because I bought a porn mag on God's day? Kami-sama, FORGIVE ME!_

As Iroha was getting ever-so closer, I began sensing my lifeline getting shorter, coincidently in a linear fashion.

"Oi, Iroha, listen! I'm not here on a practice date with anyone. I'm here for… umm… oh yeah! Business! Yes, I'm here on official business on behalf of the Service Club." As soon I said, she lifted her head and her bangs no longer covered her face. Her entire expression turned into that of a clumsy goofball.

"Oh senpai, you should have said so sooner." She smiles after a sigh of what I assume is misguided relief. I copy her sigh of relief, glad to have an unwarranted death. I've never been so happy to be a part of the Service Club.

"oi… you were seriously going to kill me in front of all these people, weren't you?" I ask in a whisper as I scoot a bit closer to her gesture to the crowd of people in the shopping district.

Still smiling, she just shrugs.

"I don't know what you're talking about, senpai." _Police. I need the police now._

"What's behind your back then? Prove to me its not a murder weapon!" I demand.

"I'm afraid I can't reveal to you what's behind my back, Senpai. A girl has got to keep her secrets." _I definitely ditched Death today._

"I-i see…" I decided to drop the matter, not wanting to push my luck.

"So, where are Yukinoshita-senpai and Yui-senpai? Did you all already complete your activity?" She seemed eager to drop the matter as well.

"Huh? Oh yeah, today's request has been dealt with accordingly." I say dismissively, hoping she doesn't ask for details.

"Mouuu, you should have called me in. I was so bored today that I decided to go buy some kitchen utensils to pass the time."

"I KNEW IT! YOU BOUGHT A MURDER WEAPON DISGUISED AS A KITCHEN KNIFE! YOU WERE PLANNING TO KILL ME!" My outburst in the public was met with a chorus of "what-the-hecks" and "shut-the-f*ck-ups".

"Now senpai, I would never, ever do something like that. You know that, don't you?" She grabbed my coat in a manner that told me that she'd do something horrible if I didn't drop the matter for good. Fearing for my life, I complied.

"Ah, hahah, my bad. Guess I was reading too many light novels." I did my best impression of a casual laugh.

"Oh, is that what's behind your back?" She says, pointing at the bag I was keeping behind my back all this time.

 _Oh god, I completely forgot about this while trying to find a way to not die. Wait! I could totally use this to make my escape._

"Oh, t-this? Yeah, I guess you could say this is a light novel. I decided to buy it to reward myself for my hard work today. Hahaha…" I say as I slowly begin to back off. "Well I guess I'll be off now. See you in school tomorrow."

"Ok senpai. I won't say that I believe that excuse, but I won't keep you here any longer." She waves with a foxy look.

 _She knows..._

As she turns around and starts walking away, a sunlight bounced off of the sharp stainless-steel item that Iroha was hiding behind her back during our encounter. _Well I'll be, it really was a knife._

As it turns out, I was right about girls. They truly are made of sugar, spice, and something else. That something else may be a bit more deadly than I had previously thought.

 **Author's Notes:**

Hey guys... long time no see, huh... hahahaha

First and foremost, sorry for the lack of content for the last few months. It's not that I didn't have enough time to dish out new stories or I ran out of ideas. In fact, at times I've had so much free time that I was bored out of my mind. And I have a bunch of story ideas that I want to get to eventually.

But I've said it before, and I'll say it again. I'm a lazy, procrastinating SOB.

With that aside, let's get onto other news. Specifically, my very first FanFic "Of Delusions and Dreams". I know that I've said that I'd let my readers pick whether I should continue or not, and a vast majority did want me to continue, but I just can't. Recently I attempted to re-read my story, and let's just say it wasn't pleasant. I cringed so hard that I wondered how I even wrote it without barfing. I don't want to continue writing a story that I myself can't enjoy, but I know some people actually like these types of stories, so I won't delete it off the site at the very least.

On to this story. Yep, another comedy of sorts. Shorter than most of my chapters, but oh well. It won't be a one-shot, so you can expect more of the cast getting involved, namely the three great Y's...

As always, leave a comment, follow if you enjoyed, and favorite if you can't wait for the next chapter.

Until Next Time

P.S. I'm re-uploading this because for some reason the format got messed up with some sort of update.


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